Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Things I miss...
That twinge of excitement just before walking into a bookstore.
Used to be, there were many books I liked, just waiting for me to save up the money to buy them, and the excitement was based on how many I could buy "this time," and how great it felt knowing there were a lot waiting for me to get to. I love reading (my eyes don't, but I still try my best). These days, the authors I read the most, either don't write so much anymore, or, have changed their writing style so that I have to be careful and make sure I've read the descriptions before deciding to buy. Supernatural, yes. Gore, blood, guts, no. Mystery, yes. Author changing styles drastically and writing something "completely different!", no. (well, not usually). Author of a series writing something not part of that series, no. I guess I'm getting pickier. When I was younger, a disappointing book didn't bother me so much. Now, definitely bothered. Time is a precious commodity I have too little of. (time and money, need both, have neither)
Sleep.
I miss being able to fall asleep when I'm tired. I miss waking up after a good nights sleep actually feeling rested. Rested. What's that? Something I never feel. Perpetually drained, moody, irritable, stressed, yes, absolutely. Rested and refreshed? That's something only possible in commercials, isn't it? (yea right)
Looking forward to tomorrow.
I don't usually want tomorrow to come. Always fear the worst. Worry something even more annoying, or upsetting, or horrible, or well, you get the point, something I don't want to face might happen. Those "I can't wait for tomorrow!!" days are too far apart and so hard to get to.
The delusion that "growing up" would change me.
When I was a kid, I deluded myself into believing that all the problems I was having then, would somehow vanish by the time I was an adult. Not so. Reality is a bitch. Those problems simply evolve into more complicated issues. I think we're taught that "when you're older" things change. But they don't clarify that the changes will likely be for the worse.
There's more. But that's for another time I guess.
That twinge of excitement just before walking into a bookstore.
Used to be, there were many books I liked, just waiting for me to save up the money to buy them, and the excitement was based on how many I could buy "this time," and how great it felt knowing there were a lot waiting for me to get to. I love reading (my eyes don't, but I still try my best). These days, the authors I read the most, either don't write so much anymore, or, have changed their writing style so that I have to be careful and make sure I've read the descriptions before deciding to buy. Supernatural, yes. Gore, blood, guts, no. Mystery, yes. Author changing styles drastically and writing something "completely different!", no. (well, not usually). Author of a series writing something not part of that series, no. I guess I'm getting pickier. When I was younger, a disappointing book didn't bother me so much. Now, definitely bothered. Time is a precious commodity I have too little of. (time and money, need both, have neither)
Sleep.
I miss being able to fall asleep when I'm tired. I miss waking up after a good nights sleep actually feeling rested. Rested. What's that? Something I never feel. Perpetually drained, moody, irritable, stressed, yes, absolutely. Rested and refreshed? That's something only possible in commercials, isn't it? (yea right)
Looking forward to tomorrow.
I don't usually want tomorrow to come. Always fear the worst. Worry something even more annoying, or upsetting, or horrible, or well, you get the point, something I don't want to face might happen. Those "I can't wait for tomorrow!!" days are too far apart and so hard to get to.
The delusion that "growing up" would change me.
When I was a kid, I deluded myself into believing that all the problems I was having then, would somehow vanish by the time I was an adult. Not so. Reality is a bitch. Those problems simply evolve into more complicated issues. I think we're taught that "when you're older" things change. But they don't clarify that the changes will likely be for the worse.
There's more. But that's for another time I guess.
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